Questioning Myself

A number of things have happened over that past several weeks that have caused me to reevaluate my personal long term goals and to take a look at what I am doing to try to meet those goals.  I was talking to a friend the other day and I heard myself saying that I have for the most part met my educational and career goals for myself and I'm not sure what is next for me.  As a child, I had so many dreams of what I would be when I "grew up" and even when I wasn't sure what that would be, I knew that it would involve lots of school, hard work, and would be something that would somehow benefit others in some way.  My career aspirations varied through high school and even college from wanting to be a college math professor, an elementary school teacher, a computer scientist/programmer, to wanting to be a counselor.  When I finally figured out that I wanted to counsel, my goals became to obtain a master's degree, a license, and either work in a church or in private practice.  Along the way, my goals of wanting to be in private practice have virtually disappeared and now my ultimate goal within my current company is to be a clinical consultant.  I will need to continue in my development in order to reach that goal, but it seems quite attainable at this point in time.  Maybe not in the near future, but eventually...

When I was presented with the opportunity that I mentioned in a previous post, I was forced to consider how that fit with my long term goals for my life.  And I realized...it could be possible that my long term goals are constantly changing and evolving as I learn more about myself? This is a scary thought for me!

From the time that I was very young, my parents have always told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be.  Of course, their idea was for me to be a doctor, lawyer, accountant, veterinarian, etc. so that I would be able to support myself financially and not have to struggle to make it the way that they had to struggle when they were first married.  Throughout my childhood, I found that anything I put my mind to doing I could be good at (well, anything that required brains - I've never been good at anything that required hand/eye coordination much to my father's dismay).  My senior year of college, I reached a crossroads where I had to choose between pursuing a career that I would be great at but that I did not think I would enjoy very much or choosing to pursue a career that I may not be great at and may have to work at for my entire life, but it was a career I was passionate about and thought I would love.  I chose the latter and up to this point have had no regrets with my decision.  

Now I am beginning to wonder if I can actually have a career that I find satisfying and enjoyable but that also I am good at and comes more natural to me.  I wonder?

I called my dad last week to get his input since he's been through many more career changes and is supposed to be older and wiser.  Here is what he told me, "Amanda, I still have not figured out what I want to be when I grow up."  My father is very near retirement and yet he still doesn't know what he wants to be or do when he grows up.  I found his answer both humorous and frustrating at the same time.  I was looking for something decisive, something that would help me to make a definitive decision for my life.  Now that I look back, maybe that is exactly what I got from that conversation.  In this day and time, do we have to choose a career for a lifetime or can we float from one job or career to another until we find the one that fits us the best for that time in our life?  I'm not sure.  I know that I do not like changes and would like to see into my future and know what it may bring.  

I suppose I have to be content in knowing that for today, I am where God has placed me doing the work that God has called me to do.  When my calling changes, I just hope that I will be listening closely enough to hear God's voice and that I will be willing to step out in faith and obey.

Sometimes I wonder if I should have just been a country music singer and fulfilled my elementary dreams.....